Family Culture and Values

"It is not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are." -Roy Disney

Every family has its own culture- their own way of deciding who is in charge of what, how they go about solving problems, and how the important decisions are made. If someone asked you to define the word "culture", you would probably mention some of the following: skin color, the language you speak, the holidays you choose to celebrate, or where you live. While these all definitely play a part in someone's culture, there is much more to it. Culture is your religion, your surroundings, your practices, your mindset, your values. What is the most important culture? Family. From birth, we are immersed into our very own, exclusive culture. Our family dynamics completely shape the way we think and behave. A behavior or tradition that is entirely natural and normal to one family, may be frowned upon or politically incorrect to another. When you find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with and create your own new family culture and values, it is exciting and new and wonderful! It can also be scary and frustrating. All of sudden you have to figure out how to merge two completely different cultures into one. You have to decide which values matter the most to you and what you are and are not willing to give up or change. A great example of conflicting family culture in a relationship is from the NBC show "This is Us". Toby and Kate are in an exclusive dating relationship. For Kate, growing up in her family, the super bowl was the most celebrated "holiday" of the year. Football was almost a religion for them. They had a very specific routine each year that meant a lot to their family and helped them bond. When Kate's father passed away when she was 17, their was a big gap in the family dynamic. Their father was basically the glue that held their family together. The super bowl remained a big tradition. It even helped the rest of the family draw closer together after the tragic, unimaginable loss of their father. When Kate and Toby began dating and the the super bowl came around, Toby wanted Kate to come over to watch it with him and his buddy. For Kate, the super bowl was a time to be with her family and remember her Father and all the good memories they shared. Kate did not want to discuss this with Toby quite yet, and insisted on watching the game alone. Toby wouldn't have it and insisted Kate watch it with him. When Kate arrived, she was so uncomfortable with how different the dynamic was and the ways that Toby observed/practiced celebrating this tradition. Kate left and Toby was confused and a little hurt. Kate eventually opened up to Toby and explained the meaning of the super bowl to her and her family. Toby was immediately remorseful and empathetic. Toby adopted Kate's ways and from then on, they began to merge their cultures. This sounds very chaotic but if you let it, it can also be really exciting. You get to pick and choose from the best of each other and incorporate them into one new family. You also get to create brand new traditions that are just your own.

An interesting part of culture, is that people have the tendency to believe that their culture is "correct" or "valid". The definition of the word valid is: "sound; just; well-founded; effective; authoritative." How do we decide that a culture is valid? We won't always agree with or admire certain aspects or even an entire culture. But there is always room for respect and love. When it comes to interacting with other cultures, we can learn and appreciate new things and develop newfound respects for them.