Parenting

In the world that we live in today it can be easy to question the purpose of family, but more specifically- parenting! Dr. Michael Popkin puts it best. The biggest and most important role of a parent is "to protect and prepare our children to survive and to thrive in the world they are going to live in". The key word in this sentence is thrive. We as parents would not want our children to just know how to stay alive, but how to flourish in the world that will be waiting for them once it is time for them t be on their own. You would be failing miserably if you simply got your children to just comply, because you would not be preparing them to think and act for themselves in the world.

We are all on this Earth to become like our Heavenly Father. He is perfect in every way including as a parent. Heavenly Father has given us agency. He desires that we use our agency and come to learn for ourselves what is truth and that we become self-reliant so that we can return to live with Him. We must learn to become LIKE Heavenly Father, not just his servants. Heavenly Father’s plan gave us the tools to think and act for ourselves and we have all been provided with the resources to make the correct decisions. Satan’s plan was to force people to be obedient and compliant. Our Father in Heaven is the perfect example of a parent. We must also teach our children to think, and act fro themselves. We can teach a child to blindly obey all we want, but once they are on their own, what have they actually learned?

One of the biggest indicators of the type of parent that you will be is in fact how you yourself were parented. Now this is excellent news for those that had amazing parents. But this does not mean those who lacked parents with great parenting skills are doomed. With effort, practice, and consciousness you can change your parenting style from auto pilot. We CAN and MUST learn to be proactive instead of reactive.

What does it look like to be a proactive parent? Dr. Popkin created an excellent model of exactly what this style of parenting should look like. When it comes to disciplining children, parents too often punish the behaviors they do not like and reinforce the ones that they do instead of allowing the children to learn and understand the consequences of their own actions.

Popkin says that the first step is to identify "who owns the problem"? The answer to this is: who is most directly affected by the problem, and who is complaining about the problem?

If the child owns the problem:

We must allow natural consequences to occur.

- The reason for this is because natural consequences will never change, they will occur no matter how old the child becomes.

- It also removes the chance for the child to be able to blame anyone but themselves for that consequence .

There are however, three exceptions to this rule.

- The consequence is too dangerous (drinking, drugs, high risk behavior)

- The consequence is too far in the future for the child to be affected now

- The consequence affects others (shoplifting, throwing rocks at the neighbors house)

The parent and the child own the problem together:

- The parent must be supportive but also offer necessary discipline

The parent owns the problem:

- 1. Make a polite request (the way to teach respect is to be respectful)

- 2. Make an “I” statement (When ____, I feel ______ because ________. I would like ________.) This approach is not about getting the kid to do what you want to do, it’s about teaching them.

- 3. Make a firmer statement (non-threatening)

- 4. Make a logical consequence (involve the child, give the child a choice, allow them to act as an agent) (when/then, if/then) *make sure you can live with the consequence and that it is logically connected. Give the choice only once and then follow through. Be firm yet friendly. Let the child try again. To teach a child about the atonement and forgiveness, they must be forgiven.