So You Think You're Ready for Marriage?

When it comes to relationships, their are several stages. These stages are: dating, courtship, engagement, and marriage. Couples should take distinct steps in their relationships, instead of “sliding” to the next step. Taking a distinct step would mean to have a conversation and discuss what it means to each partner to take that next step instead of slowly and casually falling into the patterns of the next step without actually acknowledging it. Couples should also take each step in chronological order. Unfortunately in some cultures (cough, Mormon culture), it is very common to go from dating to engagement very fast without taking the time to court each other properly. It is also very common to skip dating entirely and immediately start dating exclusively and seriously. Each stage has a purpose and should be observed thoughtfully and thoroughly.

If you are dating (in a relationship), GO ON DATES. At least once a week. A real date is planned, payed for, and paired off. Just hanging out and spending time around each other is not sufficient. Not only is going on dates an important part of dating, but you should be consistently going on dates every step of the way. Including engagement and marriage. A date is a set apart time to really focus on your partner and the relationship as a whole.

It does not matter how much of a 'connection' you share with your partner, relationships are hard. Love just isn't always there. Love is a choice. You both must actively choose to give 100% effort all the time. It is not 50/50. In marriage, you share everything. You share your time, share your resources, share your thoughts and feelings. If you want to keep all or any of those things to yourself, stay single!! The time to find these things out is during dating and courtship. People are either going to work at having a shared life (of values, not necessarily interests) or not.

Engagement is not just a period of time to plan a wedding. It is a time to cherish each other and continue to get to know each other and share activities and time. During engagement, you must establish goals and plan for a MARRIAGE. In your dating relationship, you should have begun to set healthy dating patterns that you should continue to develop an solidify even during engagement so that they can last all throughout your marriage. While you are engaged you should sit down together to read “The Family: A Proclamation”. As you read, you can begin to 'operationalize' (discuss what your idea of a family, husband, wife mean to each of you.) By operationalizing your ideas of how your separate roles will play into the family as a whole, you can make sure you have at least similar ideas. If you do not share the exact same vision, your marriage is not doomed. In fact, the average couple that is on their way to divorce, has an average of ten significant incompatibilities. The average happy couple has an average of ten significant incompatibilities. Compatibility is not a measure for success. (Neil Jacobsen). By discussing these things BEFORE marriage, you can a least know where the other is at and set realistic expectations, and begin to discuss how to make it all fit together. If you wait until after marriage to discuss these things, you will be disappointed and jump to conclusions such as "we aren't meant to be" and "we rushed into marriage when we weren't even compatible". Plan a marriage, not just a ceremony.