Communication

Did you know that 86% of communication has nothing to do with the words that you say? Most of the messages exchanged between each other are in the tone of voice that we use to speak and with our body language and actions. In order to demonstrate this point, we are going to do a little activity. Read the following sentence in your mind. Now read it again, this time emphasize the first word. Then read it again, emphasizing the second word. Now read it again and again until you have had a chance to emphasize each word individually.

I never said she kicked him.

Do you see what I mean? This sentence has six words, and has six completely different meanings, just by emphasizing (changing your tone) one of the words.

My generation has not been taught how to communicate effectively. We rely on screens to communicate in order to avoid confrontation and face to face interaction. Leading to even more miscommunication and hostility (people say things they would never say face to face because they feel they are “safe” when hiding behind a screen).

When a wife tells her husband "All you care about is your job, you're so selfish", the husband may feel very attacked and shocked to learn that this is how his wife feels toward when he is just doing his best to provide for her and their family. He may be even more shocked to learn that what the wife is really feeling hen she says this is " “I would love to spend more time with my husband, I feel lonely and I miss him”.

More often than not, anger is just masking the real underlying emotion such as fear or sadness.

When it comes to communicating and understanding another person's emotions, we must remember that it is okay to validate the valid. Too often people focus solely on disregarding the invalid and trying to explain why what they are feeling may be irrational. For example, when a child watches the children's Disney movie Bambi, they will most likely cry when Bambi's mother is killed. Most parents in attempt to calm the child. may jump to telling the child to not cry because it is "just a movie". The message the child may receive is that his feelings are not okay. Instead, a parent should acknowledge the child's sadness and have the child explain why it makes them sad. The child then has a chance to explain that it makes him terribly sad because no one should be without a mother. The parent can then validate the child's sad feelings (because the reasoning is indeed valid), and then go on to comforting the child and explaining why everything will be okay.

By acknowledging and validating a person's emotions, it helps bring their own emotions down. Failing to do so only heightens a person's emotions.

The same way that our bodies hurt with hunger when we need to be fed. Our bodies also feel certain emotions when a need must be met. If we never felt lonely and sad when we did not have many friends or social interaction, we would never attempt to make friends or have a social life. If we never experienced fear when we cross paths with a grizzly bear, we would be eaten.

Why do people communicate so poorly?

• Impulsiveness/Selfishness

• Pride

• Lack the skills

• Don’t truly understand your own feelings

• Assumptions

• Because communicating is vulnerable

Transparency/Clear/Concise "In marriage we need to communicate so clearly that we cannot be misunderstood."

The person that you are upset with i n your home (your spouse) is NOT your enemy. You are upset with principalities of the devil. You and your spouse are not sealed until the holy spirit of promise stamps a seal of approval. Do not drive away that spirit away! Satan is constantly working to tear it away.

An excellent scripture example of Jesus communicating with others ad correcting is D&C: 121: 41-45 (Jesus corrected BUT also validated).

43 Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy;

The 1828 Webster’s Dictionary is an excellent resource to use hand in hand when reading the Book of Mormon. It was the dictionary used at the time that Joseph Smith was translating he Book of Mormon. It allows us to understand and translate the vocabulary and diction of their times to understand it how we would speak it today. In this dictionary we learn the meaning of the following words:

- Reproving: Gently correct

- Betimes: In the correct season/at the correct time

- With sharpness: Precisely

- When moved upon by the holy ghost: As deemed necessary by the Holy Spirit.

We can then read verse 43 of D&C 121 and understand that it is saying that "gently correcting at the correct time, must be clear and precise, but only when approved as being necessary by the Holy Ghost".